Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
