she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
