Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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