do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
