Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Less talking, more tequila
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
