yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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