i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
