I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
