How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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