Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
