FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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