She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
