Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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