also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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