drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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