Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
