He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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