you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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