it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Houston, we have a squirter
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
