Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
