My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you will always have a special place in my vag
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
