No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
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All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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