Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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