Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
