i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This baby is an asshole
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
