Say something about gay babies.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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