who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
