what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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