$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
