Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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