I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
