The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
