Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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