anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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