im holly from the hills drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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