I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
