Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize