wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she peed on how many people?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
