pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
