Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
