I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
