Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
