Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
