she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
