Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
