Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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