I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
