I wish my penis had an off switch
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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