Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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