I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
