$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
