I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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