I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
