I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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