Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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