Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
