So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
