2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
