i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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