I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
