So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
