You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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