her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
