I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
