I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
