There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
