Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
