I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
