I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
