i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
