tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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