How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
