Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize