K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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