On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
