i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
