I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
