That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
