he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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