break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
