I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
