3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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