All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
